In Between

I feel like I live between two worlds. My old self was get ready every day, go out and see how many people I could meet, and learn people's names. I wasn't really thinking about long term relationships, I was funny and talked fast and was a good college friend to have. However, when I learned that I was harsh and abrasive, I started taking more care with my words and learned to not lean on sarcasm as the best way to win friends.

After a few years of being married, having children, being heavily involved with the church, and starting two businesses, I became so frustrated with being misunderstood that I became more comfortable being alone. It's not easy being alone, and I wasn't really, I have had 3-4 children in the house for 20 years...but my best friend and confidant became Richard. He and I understand each other. If I'm mean, harsh or bitter, he gets me out of it, gives me space, and choses to love me anyway.

So, fast-forward 15 years and we find ourselves without friends to go out with, no social life to speak of, and the noticeable loss of relationships outside the walls of our home.

No matter that we can go to church any Sunday and say "hello" to every person in the worship center, calling most by name. We can go to a ball game and be able to tell you the children's names of the 20 people surrounding us. I know that if we had a major crisis, people would come to our help. But when it comes to wanting someone to have lunch with, we are alone.

This is so unlike what Christ wants for us. It may be easier to not have to deal with people, but that is EXACTLY what we are called to do. I know that relationships are crucial to our spiritual growth.

This week I've been to one Bible study and started in a new Life Group. I've made plans to have lunch with two friends next week. I'm going to get out of this rut of being alone.