LOST CHILDREN

This morning we had our annual BIG SCREEN week at church. Our pastors use a modern day story (movie)  to bring Biblical truths to our lives. They use Jesus teaching in parables as an example of this kind of story telling/teaching. BIG SCREEN is only during July each year and we're encouraged to invite people who normally wouldn't go to church (but would not have a problem with going to a movie) to attend with us.

This morning the movie we watched part of was CREED. It's a boxing movie, and although my family watched it last night (in preparation) I wasn't interested. This morning I was so moved by the first scene they chose to share, that I had tears running down my face the entire time.

**I'm not writing his very smoothly, but I know I have something to say so bear with me if you've found yourself on this blog for some reason.

The first scene we saw today was a lady coming to get a boy from LOCK UP after fighting. He was fighting "again." When she went into the cell to talk to him, I knew nothing about the storyline, I knew nothing about her, or what was going to happen, but when I saw that boy, maybe 10 years old, standing there in that prison cell, I just lost it. He did not have a dad. This lady was the wife of his dad, and this boy was born of infidelity with another woman.

She was coming to get him...to take him to her home. The dad was no longer living.

This boy had been fighting for a long time already, his hands were in fists as he talked to her, he had a bruise on his cheekbone and he looked mad. ...

All I could think of was all the real boys who are in this same exact BUT REAL place of hopelessness, anger and complete loneliness. They've been abandoned and do NOT know what to do but fight. Whether it be fighting with their hands, their words or their tears, they can only fight, because that's what we  humans do to survive.

These kids need people to love them. They need people to speak TRUTH AND LOVE into their lives. They need people to teach them other things to do but fight...and I speak from experience, it takes a lot of work to un-teach them this reaction.

It's hard work. It's uncomfortable. In some cases, it will be dangerous, but not all cases. BUT, we have an epidemic of children who are LOST...lost from family, lost from love, lost from security and they need to see families who eat together, work together, play together and respect each other. If we do not get to these children we will have an epidemic of crowded jails full of angry adults who have taken guns into businesses, schools and churches...oh wait, we already do.

Consider this, there's a chance your first experience will not be good. I can GUARANTEE your work with the DHS will not be smooth. It's a system made to protect children but it is not without it's basic flaws because we shouldn't HAVE to have a system to protect children!

It will be hard, but it could also be the most rewarding thing you have ever done. And WHY should any child be standing in a prison lock up?

It is Well

In this crazy time in our world, it's good time to have this song in my head: 

Grander earth has quaked before
Moved by the sound of His voice
Seas that are shaken and stirred
Can be calmed and broken for my regard

And through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
And through it all, through it all
It is well

And through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
It is well with me

Far be it from me to not believe
Even when my eyes can't see

And this mountain that's in front of me
Will be thrown into the midst of the sea

Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
Through it all, through it all
It is well
It is well

So let go my soul and trust in Him
The waves and wind still know His name (repeat last line during 3rd run)

It is well with my soul
It is well with my soul
It is well with my soul
It is well with my soul
It is well it is well with my soul x3

Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
Through it all, through it all

    

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Txg5nOIZYO8
It is Well, Bethel

Dear daughters

Dear daughters (all 4 of you),

I saw a post today written by a mom with this title...Dear daughters, what I want you to know about my wedding. I've decided there are some things you need to know about our wedding, so I'm copying her idea, but these memories are your heritage.

WEDDING PLANNING:
There was no pinterest.
No google.
No digital cameras.

I tore some pictures out of a bridal magazine of the bridesmaids dresses I wanted, a beautiful cranberry colored dress, and a cake design. My mom (Grandma) has always been in retail and we found my dress on a sale rack in under 2 hours. The puffy sleeves WERE in, and they went with my hair, even though I went with a french twist for the ceremony.

I remember ordering the cake from Harps bakery and they wouldn't agree to a non-traditional cake (Italian Cream Cake) because they said it would be too heavy. They did a great job imitating the picture I gave them of the design on the cake.

A lady who owned the only "tea room" in Mtn Home catered my reception. I didn't touch most of the high falutin' food she served but I trusted Mom and Mrs Ponder to choose things for the reception. I remember they were really excited about spinach dip. I didn't touch green veggies during this time in my life, but if it was going to go over well, it was OK with me.

WEDDING DAY:
Our wedding was at 6:00 but the Hogs played Tennessee at 1:30pm. We had our rehearsal the day of the wedding since Richard had to work the night before in Dardanelle. Unfortunately, the game went into overtime and Todd Wright kicked a field goal to win it right before 4 to win it. The unfortunate part was the entire wedding party was at my house watching the game on tv. I didn't take a shower before pictures or shave my legs, and I didn't take quite enough time to check my honeymoon bag for some things that were missing when we arrived across the country. Seems like not a big deal, but we got ready to go to pictures in about 10 minutes and well, I didn't feel quite prepared.

I didn't walk down the aisle to the Wedding March, we asked a friend to marry us because he was young. He didn't live near us so there was no pre-marital counseling. We were his first wedding and he used every word we wrote as our ceremony. We wrote our own vows and ended them with a pledge of I Corninthians 13.

What happened during the ceremony that wasn't planned: the unity candle I was holding came out of the cylinder and almost caught my dress on fire.

I had several sorority sisters serving during the reception. Unfortunately, I was seriously so happy to be leaving my home and marrying my prince, I didn't talk to my friends very much. I regret that now as I haven't spoken to some of them since that night. It wasn't that I wasn't glad they were there, but I was enamored and under the marriage spell.

My bridesmaids dresses turned out to be hot pink, but I didn't admit this until years after the wedding. This was the same year I pulled the pictures out of a sticky photo album that was an expensive gift from friends. Apparently the sticky part of the album wasn't acid free and as the pages turned yellow, I was afraid I'd lose those pictures too. They are now in a box.

Things we noticed right when we got the pictures: Dad's tie was crooked during the pictures and ceremony. He's still a little ticked about that, so don't bring it up or point it out when you see our wedding picture on the wall at Grandma's.

The videographer gave us a video that you cannot pick people out of. Seriously, it's complete "snow." Apparently even though the service at my home church was televised every week, and video was shot from 3 cameras, the cameras weren't in focus because they were set to transfer to the tv station or something and there is nothing but sound and gray lines for our video.

We left with bird seed flying, I had forgotten my shoes to go with my "going away" outfit and borrowed my mother's black flats (2 sizes too big) to run to the car. We drove to my house, 2 blocks away, emptied bird seed from Richard's pants, and were on our way.

AFTER THE WEDDING:
We had to stop at the carwash so Richard could see to drive to Little Rock (3 1/2 hours away) and while he was washing the windows off I looked in the take home box since we didn't eat anything at the reception. It was filled with spinach dip and some crackers.

The hotel in LR lost our keys sometime between midnight and 5:30am...when we had to go to the airport to catch our plane to Nantucket. Fortunately, my spare set was in the bottom of one of our suitcases. We might still be in the lobby there if they hadn't been found. What valet LOOSES YOUR KEYS?

SO, what's the point of this post?

Our life together started before the wedding. We were committed to one another even before we were engaged. We had the most important transformation in our lives when we got our hearts straight with God before we tied the knot. It made us able to battle the hardships that are bound to come when two strong personalities marry, have kids, and breath the same air.

Our wedding was a blip on the screen of the last 23 years married to your dad. It was a special day, but only one day and the wedding was really only a couple of hours. What my dress looked like, what was served at the reception and who put that bird seed down Dad's pants doesn't matter one bit now.

What is THE MOST IMPORTANT THING is that Dad chose to love me at that time and he hasn't changed his mind. How do I know? Well, I'm hard to live with and we've had 23 years of ups and downs, and sometimes I ask him how he still loves me and that's when he tells me he committed to me for forever.

That's the kind of person you want to marry. That's the most important thing about our wedding day, are the words we vowed and no matter what has happened or will happen in our lives, we're going to keep our covenant with God and with each other.

End of School

This summer we've gotten out of school one week before last year. With no snow days to make up, we are out! May seems to be a busy month for us with graduations, award ceremonies, college kids moving home from school, getting ready for summer activities...the month just seems to race!

I've been to 4-5 award ceremonies this year and I can tell you that I haven't enjoyed one minute of any of them. I think kids should be recognized for good work, good grades and character. However, what about the kid who doesn't get any of those? I know there's a growing sentiment that kids shouldn't get participation awards for everything and I agree with that. I also am against having so many incentives that kids don't want to do anything without being rewarded. There's a fine line I guess and I don't know where I stand on it.

My kids have always been named in these ceremonies, and have gotten their share of certificates and printed pencils. They were chosen for special awards and plaques, and they earned distinctions with all-region and all-state awards in athletics and fine arts. This is my first time to see that in the younger years, when they encourage all the parents to come to these award ceremonies, not everyone gets their name called.

Tomorrow this won't matter, but today...I pray that all the children who didn't get their name called know that they are God's masterpiece.

Times are Changing

A few months ago I met a friend in Conway for lunch at Panera Bread. I had shoe shopped before I met her and I went to the restroom to wash my hands before I ate. When I opened the door to the restroom a man was washing his hands. Oh my gosh! I thought I went in the wrong room! I just stepped back and let the door close. I looked at the sign and realized he was in the wrong room!

This man was a thin guy with a beard and mustache. The bathroom was a two-stall with just one sink. It's pretty small. I think the guy accidentally went in the wrong room, but I wasn't going to tell him! I stepped back in the hallway until he exited and then went in.

I wasn't comfortable sharing the bathroom with a man, and I was just wanting to wash my hands. I certainly wasn't going to take care of any other business in there!

Because we don't have a Target in my hometown, I've always loved going to them in any city I'm in to find new and unusual things. I love their party gear, their home decor and their toys at Christmas. I almost always visit the restroom when I'm shopping. I am not going to be able to do that anymore. I can't risk not being able to go to the bathroom or worrying in the bathroom about a man being in there. It's a modesty thing, and it's a comfort thing. Women and girls take care of things in the bathroom that men don't. We do take our little ones in, but mamas and children have been doing that forever. When our little boys become big boys, we stop taking them in with us.

I won't be sending my middle school and teenage girls into the restroom at Target. I won't be taking my little boy into a restroom for fear of having to start conversations he's not ready to handle, and I won't be going there either.

Lead Me To The Cross

Savior I come
Quiet my soul remember
Redemption's hill
Where Your blood was spilled
For my ransom
Everything I once held dear
I count it all as loss

[Chorus:]
Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me, lead me to the cross

You were as I
Tempted and trialed
Human
The word became flesh
Bore my sin and death
Now you're risen

Everything I once held dear
I count it all as loss

Solid Foundation

The last 8-10 days has been filled with challenges at every turn. I sure don't ever think we're immune from things, but we've all had our mountains to climb these past days. The highlight of my week was the first gathering of our new life group in our home. Our house was filled with 19 other folks who were laughing, talking and smiling. We did some introductory games and I gave an overview of what we're going to look at this semester. I had something prepared to say, but since we had had some rough days I just decided to be a little more transparent and tell them that for sure we didn't have it all together. We for sure don't have all the answers, but without the foundation of God in our home, we would certainly have fallen apart these last days. It doesn't stop tears, fights, misbehaviors, conflict or the like, but the TRUTH of God's unfailing love, the TRUTH of HOPE in Him, and the TRUTH of His way anchors us. I'm so very thankful for a solid foundation.

"The Heart of TV"

I'll admit it, I love watching Hallmark movies. They are without bad language, sex and skin. There are a lot of families in the movies, the holidays are celebrated, and there is always a happy ending. I can watch them while doing other things. I watch them more during the holidays, but I also watch them on YouTube the rest of the year too. I let my girls watch some of them, especially if baking cookies and the North Pole are key players. As I think about these movies, I've made some conclusions about the things they might be misrepresenting to my kiddos. I'm thankful we do more talking than watching and that we can enjoy the entertainment and still keep our values in tact.

BEWARE: Things you might believe if you watch a lot of Hallmark movies:
1. To fall in love you must have long hair. (Only one Hallmark movie has a main actress with short hair, Window Wonderland)
2. To have that special moment of a handsome man touching your face you only have to get mustard, cookie icing or marshmallow topping on your lip. He will not be able to resist wiping it off with his finger and the music will build, everytime.
3. Sleeveless dresses are perfectly acceptable at Christmas dinners, even though everyone else is wearing layers, long sleeves and Christmas sweaters. Bare shoulders are especially appropriate if you are in front of a window, under mistletoe, and it starts snowing outside.
4. There is a big possibility that Santa really exists and that his manufacturing plant is disguised in a small northern town.
5. The Christmas Spirit comes when you believe in Santa and romance in December.

LONGGGG WEEKEND

Last weekend I was sick. On the third day I thought maybe it was the flu, but I made a quick recovery when I got extra sleep, so I don't know what I had. There's never a good time to be sick, but I grieve that it should've been a fun weekend for the kids (they were out of school on Friday!) and yet, they took care of themselves for most of two days and ate quite a bit of frozen food. They were great, used their imagination (set up a doll hospital downstairs), and took the initiative to help with a few meals when I really just couldn't get up.

It always catches me off guard when my kids step up and do more than I expect. It shouldn't, but it does. I mean, the whole idea of parenting is to parent for the future, for the long haul. Parenting isn't a sprint, it's a marathon, and I've been running it for over 21 years. When my kids show what they've learned, whether it be an attitude or an action, it's like a little pat on the back from God for me to just keep going.

Of course, I felt sorry for myself first. Of course, I doubted God's timing on the weekend to be sick. But of course, He is God, and He is able. And we all survived!

10-10-15

Today we celebrate our 23rd anniversary. We have no plans, no cards and no gifts. What we do have was taught on at our LIFE GROUP on Wednesday night and I'm more thankful to have that 365 days of the year than flowers today. We have AGAPE LOVE.

The Greek word agape is often translated "love" in the New Testament. How is "agape love" different from other types of love? The essence of agape love is self-sacrifice. Unlike our English word “love,” agape is not used in the Bible to refer to romantic or sexual love. Nor does it refer to close friendship or brotherly love, for which the Greek word philia is used. Nor does agape mean “charity,” a term which the King James translators carried over from the Latin. Agape love is unique and is distinguished by its nature and character.

There are hundreds of times I have asked Richard why he still loves me. There are so many times when he is patient, kind and giving to me when I can hardly stand myself! I have bad moody days, short temper days and just plain grouchy days. Richard always answers the same, "I choose to. I will love you forever." And that, for anyone who is reading, is how marriages stay not only together but are GREAT even 23 years in.  

I'm so guilty of thinking I don't "deserve" love, especially when I'm feeling bad about myself, and really, that's not giving Richard any credit. When I say that, it's putting our love in the same category as loving pizza, loving ice cream, or loving basketball. It comes and it goes. And that's NOT how agape love works.

Making this choice is not easy because our flesh and selfishness tell us we don't "feel" like it. But that doesn't have anything to do with agape love. Jesus demonstrated this best, "While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

I'm so thankful today for a man who chooses to love me. I get in a funk so often when I don't "feel" like treating him kind, or sharing, or giving my best. He never does. He looks at me in love even when I'm looking rough. He treats me tenderly even when I'm shooting arrows out of my eyes. He serves me when I'm pouting and he gives even when I'm selfish.

I'm so very thankful for the CHOICE that God gives us to LOVE and that my man loves me this way.
Happy Anniversary Sweetheart.

Inscribed on the inside of his ring, and true today:

 1 Peter 1:22b

"...love one another deeply, from the heart."

Not so Busy Week

It's crazy because since May I have had a huge list of things to do Every. Single. Day. And now, I have no list, no pressing jobs, no have-to-dos.

Now I have the time to do projects like scrapbooks and sewing and reading and whatever I want....things that I sometimes dream about when I'm super busy. So this week is opposite of the last 4 months....and I'm bored. I know, I "need" a few slow days, but it's just not how I'm wired. It makes me reflective or for me, depressed, and it makes me lonely because I haven't made friends here yet.

I know, I know, this is making you depressed if you read this far.

SO for the good news: LIFE groups start tomorrow night, as a side note my kids can't wait either. Richard comes home Thursday, and I found a new Hallmark movie to watch tonight when the kids go to sleep. I've read 4 books this week, I've almost gotten a long awaited project complete, and I've perfected my chocolate chip cookie recipe.

Tomorrow I may work in the garage a little or float in the pool.

Verse for this week...because the kids have been learning about RESPONSIBILITY:

Bloom

I read a great devotional with this picture today. I've heard this saying many times but never with the words CHOOSE TO in front of it. I'm going to keep this in my mind and find verses that back it up to put it in my heart. A good thought for this summer and beyond. 

"When we choose to bloom where our all-wise God plants us, we will one day be able to declare with Paul, “I want you to know, brethren, that the things which happened to me have actually turned out for the furtherance of the gospel.”"  Jim and Elizabeth George

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him. Colossians 4:9

Treasure

I like this image of this verse. The word "Family" isn't in the verse, and usually this verse is used to refer to money. This last week, while doing some studying on a few topics I was struggling with, this verse jumped out of the page to me. And I thought, "Where is my treasure?" 

I can say I don't have a real love affair with money, I like to have it to spend, but I don't get a lot of joy from over-spending or stretching the budget. So, if it's not money, or things, what is it? This was hard for me, because, I think I've been treasuring ME above other things. I like to have "my time", "my way" and "my schedule." 

I'm embarrassed (but it's freeing to admit) but  I've realized I consider my big family my "job" and not my treasure. I've come to the decision that if I don't make my children, my husband and our life my treasure, then I'll continue to struggle mentally with "the job" of a big family. I pray God will help me treasure the life He has given me, the day to day things, the hard things, the stressful things, and the endless carpooling. I'm pretty sure it's a state of mind that will revolutionize the way I love. 

Glorious Unfolding

This is the FINAL ADOPTION UPDATE.

Our adoption was finalized on Thursday, November 6th at 8:40am, in the Pulaski County Court. We've been a family for awhile now, and this was simply the day we became "official." After several years of pursuing this day, this calling, we were not super crazy emotional, just relieved and thankful. The real miracle was that all the paperwork was signed, sealed and delivered where we were and on the right day!

It was such a joy to have Grandma and Grandpa there, of course, they've been there for the births of all our kids! Mimi and Gramps were there, and Rhea Lana too. What a room FULL of love for these children, for our family. Not everyone at the Juvenile Court building was there for adoptions, and we were the loudest group in the waiting room, for sure. But, you only get one ADOPTION day, and even I wasn't uptight with the noise or the size of our group.

We took in a little CFA after our court appearance, then went directly to the office of vital records for new birth certificates, with Richard and I listed as the parents, and their full names on them. The girls went back to school when we got home...imagine that they wanted to! Cameron opted to stay home with Grandma and Grandpa and got some good grandson attention while we processed the morning events.

I had been convicted in the last few weeks that this day  shouldn't be the best day of our kids lives. The day they are adopted by Jesus should be the best day of their lives. I am thankful that they both are so open to the wonders of creation and God's Word, and I pray that they want the hope of Jesus in their lives very soon. It's not enough that they are adopted here on earth, they MUST be adopted by Him as heirs in the eternal kingdom.

In Between

I feel like I live between two worlds. My old self was get ready every day, go out and see how many people I could meet, and learn people's names. I wasn't really thinking about long term relationships, I was funny and talked fast and was a good college friend to have. However, when I learned that I was harsh and abrasive, I started taking more care with my words and learned to not lean on sarcasm as the best way to win friends.

After a few years of being married, having children, being heavily involved with the church, and starting two businesses, I became so frustrated with being misunderstood that I became more comfortable being alone. It's not easy being alone, and I wasn't really, I have had 3-4 children in the house for 20 years...but my best friend and confidant became Richard. He and I understand each other. If I'm mean, harsh or bitter, he gets me out of it, gives me space, and choses to love me anyway.

So, fast-forward 15 years and we find ourselves without friends to go out with, no social life to speak of, and the noticeable loss of relationships outside the walls of our home.

No matter that we can go to church any Sunday and say "hello" to every person in the worship center, calling most by name. We can go to a ball game and be able to tell you the children's names of the 20 people surrounding us. I know that if we had a major crisis, people would come to our help. But when it comes to wanting someone to have lunch with, we are alone.

This is so unlike what Christ wants for us. It may be easier to not have to deal with people, but that is EXACTLY what we are called to do. I know that relationships are crucial to our spiritual growth.

This week I've been to one Bible study and started in a new Life Group. I've made plans to have lunch with two friends next week. I'm going to get out of this rut of being alone.