Women...

A more interesting weekend I've never had. I've been to MANY women's retreats/conferences, but never as the newbie: I decided to go to our (new) church's women conference in Little Rock 2 weeks ago. I paid my late registration fee, and told one of my new church friends that I was going. She was the sweetest friend and said, "Of course, you're coming, and coming with me! You can stay with me and we'll have so much fun!"

I drove myself to LR, I met my friend in the middle of a PACKED room with 2200 other women. I didn't know another person in the row around me, and so it was hard to know who was with our church and who was from another church. No worries, I just started talking to folks, and everything was new but not too awkward. The worship time absolutely blew me away, I was literally teary joining with so many singing to the Lord and preparing for a weekend to focus on Him. It was awesome.

And then the first speaker came up. Honestly...it's hard for me to trust a size 2 woman, who has to be 50 years old and looked 21 tops. But when she started bringing it, I couldn't write fast enough. I completely forgot that I didn't know but about 4 people in the room, and that I wasn't sure where I would spend the night.

The night ended at a table at PF Changs, laughing hard with 3 women I hadn't met before and my friend. OK, so somewhere after the first few minutes I realize I may be older than these ladies...I'm guessing 15 years older. It's OK, I can get along with anyone.. When my precious friend mentioned getting a roll away for their room, I could tell by their faces, she hadn't told them I was staying with them. One of my worst fears is imposing on people...so I immediately make excuses and plans to drive to Conway to stay at Rhea Lana's. (I had already OKd a bed there in case this very thing happened) My friend felt a little bad, but I assured her I would be perfectly fine, and I was.

This is why the weekend was so strange:
I'm 100% sure I've never been to a church event where I felt as insignificant or unknown as this. I have been the person who greets people at the door, invites people to sit by me, and asks everyone their names and makes the room reservations for anyone who needs one.

It was OK to not be known, and it was OK to not be a leader, but it was so incredibly humbling and perhaps freeing for a few moments. However, God did not wire me to sit quietly. The next morning my friend didn't answer her phone, I couldn't find her in the room, I saw another few folks from our church, but they didn't motion me over (I'm such a wimp...but didn't want to ask to sit with them if there wasn't a seat available....) anyway, I helped myself to a seat in the middle of a row of ladies from other places, and just made some new friends.

After the first session, and a break out session, another lady from my new life group texted me and asked me to sit with her later. During lunch, a new friend from the first night asked me to eat lunch with her.
God was providing and I was accepting.
God was speaking, and I was listening.
God was there, and I did everything I could to not let my feeling of inadequacy, un-comfortableness, and doubt distract me from His message to me.

I'm not sure why I'm writing this except for the record of a time of unknown in my life that I've never had, and for the reminder to love others, reach out to others, listen to others, and make others feel loved in similar situations.

For all I know, the ladies thought I was a snob for not talking to them, (that would break my heart if that were true) but I was trying to not infringe on their experience by being an unwanted tag a long.

I pray God will give us a specific place to serve and grow quickly in our new church home.