TWENTY ONE YEARS

Today is 10/10. Twenty one years ago it was a beautiful fall Saturday! We had our wedding rehearsal with all our friends in the morning, the guys and girls split up during the early afternoon hours. Guys played golf, girls when to a luncheon. Then we met up at our house to watch the Hogs play Tennessee. The game ran late and we all hustled over to the church for pictures and a beautiful wedding at 6pm.

In light of how long the wedding lasted, maybe a 20 min ceremony and a 2 hour reception, it was just a blip on the screen of our life.

We're very blessed to have a great marriage. We don't take a lick of credit for it either. God saved us from some horrible decisions and a life of regret. He gave us mentors, materials and just enough common sense to use them. He has taken our strengths and weaknesses and made us better because we are now one instead of two.  Not every day has been great, but we certainly recognize that it's our choice whether to come out of the bad days better, or worse.

My tips to having a happy marriage:

1. Do stuff together. Anything. Working in the yard, watching movies, planning meals, cooking, taking a walk, etc. I like my time alone, but I love my time spent as a couple.

2. Laugh at yourself. This is hardest for me, I hate being wrong and I hate doing dumb stuff. The older I get, the more I do of both! If I'm uptight, can't accept my weaknesses, and make him walk around on egg shells around me, it's going to be tough for everyone. This doesn't mean I give up on things I need to work on, but it does mean, I can take a joke and I can admit when I'm wrong. (full disclosure...this is what I know to do, not always what I do at first)

3. Don't hold a grudge. Not worth it. I've never experienced a good outcome from holding a grudge, and I've tried it many times. If it needs to be talked about, worked on...deal with it. If it doesn't, then let it go.

4. NEVER say anything negative about your spouse in public. There's no need. There's no benefit. You're supposed to be his partner and his best friend. Do not sow seeds of discontent or ill placed humor. It digs and it's ugly.

5. Respect your spouse. I think I respect Richard, but when he changed jobs, I lost track of all he was doing, I didn't understand it, and I stopped asking him how things were going. Men's jobs are a critical part of who they are, how they identify themselves. Even though he was happy and productive, when I basically ignored this part of his life, I was demonstrating my lack of respect for what he was doing 8 hours a day or more. Build up your man. It's for everyone and you'll be the benefactor.

6. Raise your kids together. Talk it out, plan it out, parent together. Kids are gifts from God that He picked for you to raise. He gave them to you both and they will pick up positives and negatives from you both. They are a reflection of you both. Work together. There are times they need dad, there are times they need mom, but they ALWAYS need to know you are a TEAM. This is the number one part of their self worth, self value and security...no matter what anyone else says.

7. Don't leave out Jesus. Seriously, you cannot do life without Him. He is peace, comfort, wisdom and love. Do not strike out on your own. Stay in church, keep your kids in church. Even if your church is not doing it like you think they should. If the Bible is open and being taught then tough it out and stay involved. You are the primary spiritual leaders for your kids. Give them some hope, lead them to LIFE.

8. Eat at the table. And if possible, make your table big enough for everyone and guests too. There's a million reasons for this...but if you do it, you will NEVER regret one dirty dish that makes it happen.

9. Give when you don't feel like it. This is choosing to love. No matter what they need or when they need it. If it's not breaking a law or breaking you, give. The offerings we give of ourselves when we don't feel like it, are the ones that really count. It's not easy...that's why it's called sacrifice.

10. Play games. This may involve turning off the tv. Learn to win, lose, encourage, and laugh together. You need it, your kids need it and you'll be better for it. I don't know exactly why on this one, but it works. When we first got married we played monopoly. We lived in the littlest apartment in the smallest town in the Delta, we had an infant, and we were poor. One time Richard beat me in a game of Monopoly in 15 minutes. You have to know this is a record in anyone's books. How humiliating. I didn't play another game with him for a year. Stupid pride. I missed out on one on one time with him. The next year we had moved, had another baby, and he had a 60 hour a week job. It would be some time before board games and one on one time was available again.