Sunday, January 19, 2014
Swimming at Home
LOVE LOVE our new community pool...especially hosting swim meets in town. We've gotten to watch Erin two weekends in a row, even timing at one event to help out.
The Truth: Day 24
Friends are either 1) ignoring us, 2) telling us we're "such good people," or 3) squeezing my hand, looking in my eyes and praying for us. Note: people who adopt need to have their hand squeezed, looked in the eye, and prayed for.
Adoption is the hardest thing I have ever done...and I was in labor with Ryan for 22 hours. I've also survived a failed business. I just thought those tested my faith. But no, they were drops in the bucket compared to the buckets of tears I have shed in the last 22 days.
This is what I know:
1. The children we have are in the best place they could be.
2. They have not been parented in the last 3 years, as far as we can tell.
3. Children who have not been parented have LOTS AND LOTS of defensive mechanisms that they use to protect themselves. (crying, arguing, fussing, screaming, lying, complaining, etc)
4. Children who have not been parented have very few skills that other children might have. (wiping their bottoms, taking showers, eating with a fork, making decisions)
5. Children who have not had sisters and brothers in a home (where they haven't been parented) don't know things other children might know. (how to share without a major altercation, how to play with others and not fight, how to say any positive words, how to lose a game without a major meltdown)
6. Children who haven't been in a healthy home love to play hide and seek, get lots of hugs, play at playgrounds, ride scooters and shoot baskets in the driveway, have snacks, sit close to others on a couch, look at pictures of themselves, and go to church.
My husband is the rock of our family. He has stayed strong on the days I could not hardly talk without choking up. He has taken shifts at bedtime when I did not think I could. He has talked at least one of our kids down from a major fit on the phone, when he was out of town and I was out of ideas. On all my weak days he has been strong. (Note: Single parents...need their hands squeezed, looked in the eyes, and prayed for.)
I have asked myself a hundred times how parents parent if they don't have God. I have prayed over our days and our nights, our bedtimes and their teachers, over their reaction to our dinners, and about their words and their minds a million times EACH DAY. The hope I have in Christ and His ABSOLUTE SOVREIGNTY is sometimes ALL I HAVE to keep moving.
From the children's point of view (of which I can only guess), they have been picked up and moved in with strangers. They are at a new home, in a new town, in new schools. Their new mom and dad make them sit up at the table, share toys, help them pick out clothes/shoes/hairdos every day. They are hearing "no" more than they've ever heard before. It seems silly and is frustrating everytime we say "no." (Whether it is to limit their ketchup intake, restricting their wii time, enforcing a bedtime, or keeping them inside on a 30 degree day) They're here to stay and their normal tactics aren't working, they are not getting their way and, they don't know if they can trust what we say.
Last Sunday in church we sang:
"On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand,
All other ground is sinking sand.
When darkness veils His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.
His oath, His covenant, His blood
Support me in the whelming flood;
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay"
I've sung these words since I was a child...and I must tell you I've never felt them like I did standing with all 9 of our family on one row at church.
This morning we sang:
"All of You is more than enough for all of me
For every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You is more than enough"
If God is enough, and I've always thought I believed that...and I CHOOSE to believe that TODAY...then why am I sick to my stomach with anxiety, and why would I think He will give me more than He can handle in my life? I'm making this song my mantra this week, I'll hum it all week and remember that HE IS ENOUGH for this situation and for me, and for these kids.
Adoption is the hardest thing I have ever done...and I was in labor with Ryan for 22 hours. I've also survived a failed business. I just thought those tested my faith. But no, they were drops in the bucket compared to the buckets of tears I have shed in the last 22 days.
This is what I know:
1. The children we have are in the best place they could be.
2. They have not been parented in the last 3 years, as far as we can tell.
3. Children who have not been parented have LOTS AND LOTS of defensive mechanisms that they use to protect themselves. (crying, arguing, fussing, screaming, lying, complaining, etc)
4. Children who have not been parented have very few skills that other children might have. (wiping their bottoms, taking showers, eating with a fork, making decisions)
5. Children who have not had sisters and brothers in a home (where they haven't been parented) don't know things other children might know. (how to share without a major altercation, how to play with others and not fight, how to say any positive words, how to lose a game without a major meltdown)
6. Children who haven't been in a healthy home love to play hide and seek, get lots of hugs, play at playgrounds, ride scooters and shoot baskets in the driveway, have snacks, sit close to others on a couch, look at pictures of themselves, and go to church.
My husband is the rock of our family. He has stayed strong on the days I could not hardly talk without choking up. He has taken shifts at bedtime when I did not think I could. He has talked at least one of our kids down from a major fit on the phone, when he was out of town and I was out of ideas. On all my weak days he has been strong. (Note: Single parents...need their hands squeezed, looked in the eyes, and prayed for.)
I have asked myself a hundred times how parents parent if they don't have God. I have prayed over our days and our nights, our bedtimes and their teachers, over their reaction to our dinners, and about their words and their minds a million times EACH DAY. The hope I have in Christ and His ABSOLUTE SOVREIGNTY is sometimes ALL I HAVE to keep moving.
From the children's point of view (of which I can only guess), they have been picked up and moved in with strangers. They are at a new home, in a new town, in new schools. Their new mom and dad make them sit up at the table, share toys, help them pick out clothes/shoes/hairdos every day. They are hearing "no" more than they've ever heard before. It seems silly and is frustrating everytime we say "no." (Whether it is to limit their ketchup intake, restricting their wii time, enforcing a bedtime, or keeping them inside on a 30 degree day) They're here to stay and their normal tactics aren't working, they are not getting their way and, they don't know if they can trust what we say.
Last Sunday in church we sang:
"On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand,
All other ground is sinking sand.
I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.
Support me in the whelming flood;
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay"
This morning we sang:
"All of You is more than enough for all of me
For every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You is more than enough"
If God is enough, and I've always thought I believed that...and I CHOOSE to believe that TODAY...then why am I sick to my stomach with anxiety, and why would I think He will give me more than He can handle in my life? I'm making this song my mantra this week, I'll hum it all week and remember that HE IS ENOUGH for this situation and for me, and for these kids.
Quote of the Day
This morning Cameron said he didn't want eggs. I haven't offered them before, but Richard asked him why he didn't want them today. He says, "They have birds in them." That's a good reason not to eat eggs.
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Woo hoo!
SUPER SUPER excited for Lauren...pulling a 4.0 for her first semester in college. She overcame an intimidating history professor and a non-English speaking pre-Cal professor to start her college career off well!
New Normal
This is my catchphrase, "We're finding our new normal." It's the most concise (and subtle) way I can cover what is going on in our home right now. We're in a learning mode, all of us, and it's hard work. I've made myself sick thinking and re-thinking every part of every day, just looking for things to improve on.
We have lots of things to celebrate:
1. 4 nights in a row with no crying at bedtime for Cameron
2. School is in session
3. A good weekend with middleM
4. The big kids are at college and doing well
5. Richard has been home since last Friday and will only be gone 1 1/2 days this week
6. The kids received most of their toys from their former placements
7. There are only 5-6 of us to feed this week for meals, 3 at lunchtime
8. Sheridan and I are back to normalcy during the day, homeschooling
9. The weather is looking up, and we can play outside
10. Sheridan keeps bouncing backs after setbacks
11. All the kids sleep at night
12. I have 2 people to talk to outside of Richard who understand
13. Scripture reading and praying has become a solid rock of security for me in the last 19 days
God is working a miracle here. It's hard, but it's going to be so worth it to see what He's going to do.
We have lots of things to celebrate:
1. 4 nights in a row with no crying at bedtime for Cameron
2. School is in session
3. A good weekend with middleM
4. The big kids are at college and doing well
5. Richard has been home since last Friday and will only be gone 1 1/2 days this week
6. The kids received most of their toys from their former placements
7. There are only 5-6 of us to feed this week for meals, 3 at lunchtime
8. Sheridan and I are back to normalcy during the day, homeschooling
9. The weather is looking up, and we can play outside
10. Sheridan keeps bouncing backs after setbacks
11. All the kids sleep at night
12. I have 2 people to talk to outside of Richard who understand
13. Scripture reading and praying has become a solid rock of security for me in the last 19 days
God is working a miracle here. It's hard, but it's going to be so worth it to see what He's going to do.
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
Blessings and Tears
We've now had Jordan and Cameron for 10 days. Honestly, it was a long 10 days, as school wasn't in session, we played ALL DAY LONG and were adjusting to strangers living with us. There are many high points: games played, laughter, tickle fests, and hugs. First Razorback Basketball game, playing with Trey, learning to play kickball at the church.
However, there are moments each day when the adjusting is hard on everyone. I'm learning to walk in faith like never before. Some of the feelings I have remind me of when Ryan was born, just looking into his face and wondering, "What have I gotten myself into?" "My life will never be the same!" I recognize those as early jitters in a big plan that God has for us. Waiting for Him to smooth over the rough places is hard but certainly worth it. I've become a woman who mumbles prayers all day long, and is choosing sleep over reading, dishes over resting, and I'm trying to smile through the tears of the little one at nighttime. I'm sure we're well on our way to victories...I must be more patient and content...words I say EVERY DAY to our newest little ones.
However, there are moments each day when the adjusting is hard on everyone. I'm learning to walk in faith like never before. Some of the feelings I have remind me of when Ryan was born, just looking into his face and wondering, "What have I gotten myself into?" "My life will never be the same!" I recognize those as early jitters in a big plan that God has for us. Waiting for Him to smooth over the rough places is hard but certainly worth it. I've become a woman who mumbles prayers all day long, and is choosing sleep over reading, dishes over resting, and I'm trying to smile through the tears of the little one at nighttime. I'm sure we're well on our way to victories...I must be more patient and content...words I say EVERY DAY to our newest little ones.
First Razorback Basketball game ever. No, first basketball game ever. He stood the entire first half staring at the players. The boy LOVES basketball.
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
2013 TOP TEN
New Years Day...9 people around the dining table. 4 days after we picked up bigM and littleM. We stayed to our tradition of making a top ten list of our highlights from the year. BigM got involved and made one too. It was touching and unexpected. 2013 has been a ride...and 2014 promises to be even crazier!! (lists: BigM, Sheridan, Mom)
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